Old Man Of The Mountain Obituary

(The Unofficial)

Old Man In The Mountain Obituary

(a long time ago – 03 May 2003)

The Old Man In The Mountain crashed to an untimely demise in the Franconia Notch area of New Hampshire on 3 May 2003. After watching over the citizens of NH and the tourists who came to view the image for many, many years, the Old Man just couldn't keep his chin up any longer. Although NH officials vowed to replace the Old Man's image high above state side, they are being reminded of the tale of Humpty Dumpty: ".....All the Kings horses and all the Kings men, couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again." Scrambled food for thought.

The Old Man was born thousands of years ago with what has become known as a “Jay Leno Chin” and a “Herman Munster forehead”, traits that have made him the most recognizable feature in all of New Hampshire and probably New England.

"He looked just like his father, a chip off the old granite block," his mother, Sierra Madre, often said.

Born of Conway red granite, the first credited discovery of the Old Man was given to surveyors, Luke Brooks and Francis Whitcomb, working in the Franconia Notch area in 1805. According to someone who was their, the two surveyors spent the night on the shore of what has become known as Profile Lake. After a night of hoisting a few, a bleary eyed Brooks was at the waters edge the next morning and saw a reflection of a man's profile in the water. Thinking it was the image of his dearly departed father chastising him for imbibing too much, he looked to the heavens to repent for such derilistic behavior and saw the same face hanging off the side of the mountain. But historic rumor has it that in 1604 the American Indian had a legend that said "if you follow the Great Merrimack River north, you will find a mountain with a stone face."

In 1905 Reverend Guy Roberts of Whitesfield, NH, discovered that the Old Man's forehead was beginning to slip. "This is completely lobotomistic. Something must be done,” said Reverend Guy. Since botox and crazy glue were a long way off from being invented, the search was on for a solution before the Old Man started losing face.

With the help of granite quarry superintendent Edward Geddes of Quincy, MA., turnbuckles, manufactured in Saint Johnsbury, Vermont, were used to secure the forehead in place. Edward Geddes is credited with performing the first face lift in history. Even though the procedure has been refined over the years, celebrities such as Cher and Joan Rivers sing the praises of Mr. Geddes each year on "International Nip and Tuck - Just Try And Save Your Face Day."

Over the ensuing years, The Old Man was subject to several cosmetic procedures such as laugh line smoothing, crevice filling and exfoliation, in an effort to keep The Old Man in his rightful place - keeping watch over Franconia Notch and its populace.

In 2002 visitors reported the Old Man seemed to be squinting as if something was in his eye. An emergency call was placed to Dr. I. Glass, Rock Optometrist, who examined The Old Man's eye's and found he was not only far sighted but had a slight cataract condition as well. Further examination found some granular material thought to be deposits of sand in his eye, possibly left by the sandman. The material turned out to be a portion of the ashes of Niels F.F. Nielson, the official caretaker of The Old Man. After Niels death and cremation, the ashes were deposited in the Old Man's left eye by Niels' son David and his wife Debora, for all eternity, which for Niels only lasted about another year.

A private funeral was held at the sight of the fall and The Old Man's remains were left in place to rest in pieces. Many public memorial services have been held in and around the Franconia Notch area as well as across the country as the Nation continues to mourn the loss of The Old Man.

The Old Man Of The Mountain is survived by Mount Rushmore, Stone Henge, House Rock and Al Gore.