The Boston
BeanAtorium
Comments from the Waterfront by Colleen A. Kelley Ó 2004 Email: cak43@aol.com
Dear
Friend (by Gizmo MacDougal,
Special To The BeanAtorium)
Do you ever get
those emails from a person of the foreign persuasion who claims to have access
to a shiite load of money due to a personal tragedy of an acquaintance and he
has chosen you to be the recipient of a portion of that money if you help him
get it out of the designated country?
All you have to do is provide contact information and you are as good as set
for life (in a concrete suit). To the unaware, of which their are many, while
you are writing out your deposit slip, your bank account is being siphoned of
all your hard earned money. I have been getting those emails for a few years
now. They must be working because they are still making the rounds in one form
or another. (If they weren't working, would they still be showing up in email
boxes everywhere?)
I've decided to put
one together myself and see if I get anything out of it. Here it goes.
Dear friend -
(if I said dear foe, that would automatically turn people off and cause a quick
rush to the delete button.)
You should consider
this to be your very lucky day because I have chosen you to be the recipient of
this email and an incredible one of a kind deal. But first, let me introduce
myself. My name is Gizmo MacDougal and I am a trained professional. (I am using a made up name here so as not
to give myself away as I will have the feds a knock, knock, knocking at my door
before I even hit the send button) I am writing to you today because I have
nothing better to do and don't want to bother any of my real friends with such
a nonsense email.
On the twelfth of
May 1953, I was born into this world and from all reports I am still here
walking this good green earth in search of all things good. However, it was my
intention to be a very rich person by this age but good fortune and the lottery
have not yet cooperated. I work very hard at several jobs and although I do not
want for anything and I can pay my bills (when I remember to) I feel I have not
gotten my fair share of monetary value out of my effort.
After several
failed attempts at extortion and counterfeiting (who knew Ben Franklin never
had a crew cut?) I am going to take a different approach to adding to my
bankroll and I want you to help me. For your help, I will relieve you of a
higher tax bracket and the worry that an unstable stock market brings. All you
have to do is transfer whatever funds, US currency only, please - that you wish
to unburden yourself with into my pay pal account and I will take it from
their. We don't have to go thru the awkwardness of a phone call or a meeting
nor the exchange of other personal information. The whole transaction will take
the amount of time it took you to read this email and then send me your funds.
Your generosity
will get my eternal gratitude and perhaps a thank you note. Maybe I'll even
send you my latest booklet.
Thank you for
reading this and I hope to get an email from pay pal soon notifying me that you
have made a deposit into my account.
Best Regards -
Gizmo
That is all I have to report
at this time.
Colleen A. Kelley Ó 2001 -
2004
Visit The Archives: Who Should Buy The Red
Sox? / Why
Did George Bush Really Run For President? / The PeaPod Report /
Pumpkin Murder
/ Who Has Pissed Me Off This
Year? / Broiled Thanksgiving
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Found / Dear Friend
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